Alphabetical Books

Recommended a book to my young-at-heart volunteer and then found out it was withdrawn, but that we had the eBook. I asked if he read eBooks and he replied, "I don't care what letter the book starts with. If it's a good story, I'll read anything."

After I explained that eBook meant electronic book, he said, "OH! No, I don't read those, even if they are good."

Call Me Crazy

A woman called to request 'Call The Midwife' and kept saying, "I'm telling you I want the BOOK, not the DVD. It's on TV, but I want the BOOK. But I'm not going to PAY for the BOOK, I'm not giving you ANY money for it. I just want to READ a BOOK for FREE."

Gee, lady, I think you called the wrong PLACE.

What The Fuzz?

There is a somewhat older gentleman who comes to use the computers every single day. He makes it no secret that he is looking for a special lady with whom to share his life.

A few weeks ago, he approached the reference desk to ask me a question and while I was looking up the answer, he said, "Oh, hold still. You've got something in your hair."

He then proceeded to run his fingers through my hair and pull away a stray piece of fuzz. He held it up for me to inspect and added, "Should we make a wish?"

As my brother-in-law noted after hearing the story, "Yes, I wish you were Colin Firth."

Working Girl

I was cataloging a few books this morning (oh, the backlog!) and pulled this book from the cart: Working : People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do. I don't think I've ever come across a more banal title in all the thousands of books I've cataloged.

In a bizarre twist, literally the next book I pulled at random was Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?. Now there's a book that grabbed my attention. (And it explains the social conditions of the working class in 526 fewer pages! Sold.)

National Security

(This stranger than fiction story is from the archives - enjoy!)

A patron called this morning to see if we had a microfiche reader with printing capabilities. After flipping the switch to see if the archaic machine still came to life, I told the patron that we had a working machine, but the printing capability was iffy, as the thermal printer hadn't been engaged in years. He said he would be in shortly.

Not five minutes later, a no-nonsense ex-military man reported for microfiche duty at the reference desk. How could I tell he was ex-military? He was dressed in army green from head to toe and had a camouflage day planner.

I led him to the machine and turned it on. As I was showing him how to manipulate the magnification and glass plates, he put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "Are you a citizen of the United States of America?"

My customer service smile slowly faded as I cautiously replied, "Yeeesss?"

"Would you be willing to testify if necessary?"

"Well, um..."

"Because I'm about to bring up classified documents on this reader. Only citizens of the United States of America may view this information."

"Well, I'm just going to show you how to work everything and then I'll leave you to it, okay? I don't need to see what you're looking at."

"But if you do see it, I need to make sure you're a citizen of the United States of America. It's a matter of national security."

"Then yes, I am."

"Okay, then! How does this baby work?"

After he settled in and inserted his microfiche in the reader, he realized he needed change for a dollar, so he went up to the front where we keep a cash register. And he left the classified information on the reader screen, in perfect magnification and alignment for any non-citizen of the United States of America to read.

If that's not a breach in national security, I don't know what is.

Surprise!

A call on the Reference Desk:

"Hi, I'm calling to see if you have a specific book. Do you have The Boy's Body Book?"

"Hmm... It looks like we don't have that particular title, but we do have The What's Happening To My Body? Book For Boys. Would you like me to pull that title for you?"

"No, it has to be the other book. It's supposed to have a really good chapter on morning surprises."

...

Fair enough.

(I'm reminded here of S. R. Ranganathan's Five Laws of Library Science, specifically laws 2 & 3)

Sound Off

I received a text from my co-worker today:

"Oh, man. German Guy and Army Guy sitting next to each other. It's a talk-to-yourself-off."